Thursday, May 28, 2015

5 steps to let go of guilt

Do you feel GUILT?

Guilt. Rarely does one small word have such a deep impact on our psyche.

Different people feel guilty for different things based on their values. Some feel guilt over not always being there for their children, partner or parents, saying “no” at work or when taking time out for themselves. There is guilt over past affairs, breaking someone’s heart or handling a situation unfairly. Having an abortion/ miscarriage or having to go back to work leaving your new born at home also leave many of us feeling guilty.

The reasons are varied for which we all carry our own crosses. God will never forgive me, some say. The Universe hates me, others believe. And life goes on until this guilt becomes a tainted part of our existence.
So what is guilt?

Guilt unfortunately is frequently viewed as a virtue, as a high sense of responsibility and morality. To feel guilty is seen as a sign of good character. The truth, however, is that guilt is the greatest destroyer of emotional energy. It leaves you feeling hopeless in the present and regretful in future by something that has already occurred in the past.

Regretful. That’s another important word in this context. What do you mean by regret?
Regret is a negative mental/emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made. A life that stems out of guilt and regret, often has not much to look forward to. It’s so empty.
Does that mean one should live a guilt free, regretless life without any conscience? No. Understand this. Human beings need to have a conscience. According to the dictionary a conscience is “the sense of right or wrong within the individual.” Without a conscience we would have no qualm about hurting one another, interpersonal relationships of any kind would be extinct and the world would be less safe.
In fact, excessive guilt is one of the biggest destroyers of self-worth, self-confidence and the ability to imagine positive outcomes for yourself. Beating yourself up repeatedly about a previous wrongdoing only serves as a punishment; a kind of self-decaying life sentence which you have decided to give to yourself.
Reflecting on past behavior and learning from it is enlightening. When your conscience tells you that you have done something wrong, it is important to face it, make amends and learn from your mistake. Staying consumed with guilt, however, will keep you from moving forward in a positive and productive way. With determination to resolve and absolve however, many have learned how to avoid taking off on a demeaning guilt trip.
Stay out of this bottomless pit by implementing the following steps:
·         Review the action or event over which you feel guilt. 
·         Was the action appropriate or acceptable under the circumstances? 

·         If so, decide to let go of the situation and refuse to think about it further. Go for a walk, call a friend or become absorbed in something enjoyable. Do anything but rethink the situation.  

·         If your action was inappropriate, is there something you can do to correct it or to make amends? Now take this step and realize you have done all you can to rectify the situation.
If your action was inappropriate and there is nothing you can do to make amends now, then repent. There is a big difference between regret and repent. Repentance; if properly understood is a change of mind--a change of intention from doing that which made you feel ‘guilty’ to not wanting to do it again--that results in a change of action. It involves the decision to make a change of behavior and/or attitude about something. Repentance encourages a heartfelt desire to change. 

·         What have you learned from this experience that will be helpful in the future?
Remember that the past cannot be changed, no matter how you feel about it. Victimizing yourself with excessive guilt will neither alter the past nor make you a better person. By applying the above steps though, you will begin to heal and be a better person as a result.
In the end, know that; God is great. So merciful. The Universe; a pure reflection of your spirit. The question then is not if God and the Universe have forgiven you. The question is; Have you?

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla on how Time Line Therapy™ and Hypnotherapy helps you to overcome guilt and other limiting beliefs or negative emotions.
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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

5 ways to master visualizations

Unleashing the power of your subconscious

Visualization or visualisation (see spelling differences) is any technique for creating images, diagrams, or animations to communicate a message. Visualization through visual imagery has been an effective way to communicate both abstract and concrete ideas since the dawn of man. ( )

In a recent article I had stressed the importance of visualizations in achieving your goals and preferred outcomes. I had quite a few people inquire about its effectiveness and ‘how to do it’ process.
Listed below are five ways on how to practice and master visualizations. Approach it with an open minded willingness to surrender to the process for 10-15 (or more) minutes every day. Supplement this with a positive mind set and attitude.
These examples have been written keeping an ‘ideal relationship/partner’ goal in mind. Replicate the same steps with any well aligned morally viable wish of yours that you would like to manifest in your reality. Be it an ideal job, career, wealth, family, children, etc.
  • When visualizing your dreams, involve all your senses
Touch, sound, sight, even smell and taste. What does your partner look like, smell like, sound like, how is it to touch him her/him. Involve your emotions, feel what you feel, hear what you hear and notice what you notice. Visualize wholeheartedly what you want; see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blue print and begin to build on it.
  • Take on different perspectives
See yourself accomplishing your goals beginning with your own 1st person lens, then 2nd and 3rd person, be your partner, be a family member who would be happy for you, be a friend and look upon yourself living your dream.
  • Begin to live as if you have succeeded in your goal
Begin to dress, talk, and look like the person you want to be…. Like the one who has found his/er love interest and is truly happy.
  • Use self-talk and AFFIRMATIONS together with your visualizations
Talk to yourself, be your own best friend, use hopeful, encouraging language. Avoid self-talk which is negative or derogatory in nature. Such as, ‘I always attract losers’ or ‘why would someone like him/er fall for someone like me’? Instead say that which you would like to hear, about you as if you are already living your perfect relationship.
  • Put together a vision board
This can be physical on a cork-board, posted on your desk or wall, or compiled on your computer. Use words that describe the person that you desire to attract, pictures of any couple that represents your ‘happily ever after’. In short invent your Mr/s Right from your power of intention. Get as detailed as possible. Remember, the little details increase the likelihood of the big picture.
As for its effectiveness; I can vouch for it. And so will you if you believe my story ( ) and/or the limitless power of your subconscious.

Go ahead; I dare you to visualize a world in which your most treasured dreams have become true.

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know more on how GuidedVisualizations can help you realize your goals and dreams.

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Thursday, May 21, 2015

How I attracted my ideal partner – In 3 steps

Here's my story


So I get these questions all the time from clients. How do I attract my soul mate? How do I know if s/he is the one? How can I improve the chances of meeting my Mr/s Right? 
The answer is simple. Ascertain your relationship history. Elicit your values. Clear out any limiting beliefs and identify your deep love strategy, release any negative emotions around past experiences, test, and future pace. Set smart goals into your Time Line. Finish with a Hypnotic Induction and Voila! There you are; you have your Prince/ess Charming knocking at your door and into your life.  

I know…That’s a whole lot of coaching jargon. I also know that these and many other relationship coaching techniques bring about astoundingly successful results. However; not all of us have the same resources at our disposal. That does not mean that your relationship status shall never change. As is said; there are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states. Snap out of your ‘I’m so lonely, no one loves me’ state. Get rid of the ‘I don’t want another bad relationship’ saga. What if; you had within your power, ways in which to jump start your love and romance journey into the right direction? Can you imagine the possibility of being able to attract your ideal partner into your life?  

Here’s my story in 3 steps.

Step 1: I visualized and used affirmations  

Visualizations are simply mental rehearsals. What you focus on, you attract. Therefore make it a habit to focus daily on what you want. Create images in your mind of being in an ideal relationship. Repeat these images over and over again. I suggest you practice this technique for 10-15 minutes each day. In your practice, you use your imagination to see yourself meeting the best man/woman, having a healthy relationship, getting married—whatever the goal is that you wish to manifest. The key to remember is to always visualize as if you already have the relationship you want. This is a mental trick. You don’t hope you’ll achieve it, or build confidence that someday it will happen. No, with visualizing you “live and feel it” as if it is happening to you now. On one level this may just be a mental trick, but here is an important truth to understand. The subconscious mind cannot distinguish between what is real and what is imagined. Your subconscious will act upon the images you create within, regardless of whether those images reflect your current reality or not.   

Affirmations on the other hand are you being in conscious control of your thoughts. They are short, powerful statements phrased in the present tense. When you say them or think them or even hear them, they become the thoughts that create your reality. Here’s an excerpt from the affirmation I had created. “My husband is loving and loyal, good looking and humorous, ambitious and trustworthy, functions out of integrity and has common values as mine. At home and with each other we continue to find endless peace of mind, security and an insatiable desire to spend our time and lives together forever.” I visualized this along with every other little detail that I could get my mind to imagine, from what he’d say to me when we first met, how he’d propose, how our relationship would unfold. I printed and pasted this inside my closet and stuck a copy of it on the mirror where I brush my teeth, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. So every time I woke up, got dressed and went to bed, consciously and subconsciously it was in my head. 

Tip: Repeat your affirmations every morning and night for a month and they will become an automatic part of your thinking... woven into the very fabric of your being.  

Step 2: I let go of attachments 

Often we get attached to our ideologies and expect that events should unfold without having to create too many or any shifts at all in our current pattern of existence. We get attached to jobs, places, things, friends and family. So much so that even if even if Cupid himself was on his/er knees right in front of you, you wouldn’t notice. After all, this doesn’t fit into your current cycle of life. Being with this individual could mean having to leave behind all that you’re familiar with and walk into the unknown. The fear of uncertainty and getting out of your existing comfort zone is often far too daunting a task. So we continue to blame the Universe/God for not bringing forth that which we desire. And hence many prospective alliances go unnoticed or un-persevered because they did not conform to our ‘has to be like this’ mindset. 

I urge you to keep an open mind. Change is the only constant of life. Chance it. All things said, if it feels right, take the risk.  

I did.  

Step 3: I gave it my best

Real relationships take effort, time and commitment. A happy relationship doesn’t just happen because two people love each other very much, great relationships happen because not only do two people love each other very much, they also value one another and are willing to make an investment of time and energy into building a happy relationship – day after day. Everyday. The early stages (after you pass the delirium of infatuation) is where the real work begins. That work is about committed listening, letting go of control, practicing vulnerability, overcoming resistance to change, being honest, even in the face of fear, and focusing on your own self rather than trying to change your partner. Like mastering any other new skill, it takes a lot to hang in there and muddle through the demanding times. The effort required is sometimes great and the challenge can be overwhelming, so much so that many conclude that it’s not worth it or that they don’t have the stamina and perseverance to work forever at this level. The truth is that some degree of effort is inevitable in most relationships. However once both partners figure out their happy equation of coexistence and synergy, the pressure eases off. Effort comes about more naturally, more easily. 

If you’re the kind to run a 100 meters dash in the opposite direction at the very onset of any kind of disagreement or misunderstanding, I encourage you to act differently. Stick it out. Sort it out. Try. Give it your best. Will you?
Yes, I said then. It has been magical ever since.
Tasneem Kagalwalla specializes in relationship/family coaching and couples therapy.

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