Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Life Coaching or Therapy is expensive

Life Coaching/Therapy Myth #4

Have you gone through a phase in life when you thought you need the guidance and expertise of a life coach?  You felt you needed a therapist to unload the past and overcome thar which is weighing you down at present? And then you just shook your head and said, ‘Yes, but life coaching or any kind of therapy work is so expensive.’
People often look for quick-fixes instead of life coaching or therapy for financial reasons. Like that cigarette puff which gives you a fake sense of calm, that shoe on sale which replaces your stress with style, that random intimate encounter which makes you feel momentarily wanted, popping those pills which lull you off to sleep or that ‘one more for the road’ drink with the guys which makes you forget it all. However I’d like to propose a question for you here; Life Coaching and Therapy is expensive; as compared to what?

For me, it was a personal investment. I spent five years learning and trying every new theory and therapy during a time in my life when I couldn’t afford it. There was pain from my past that I knew I needed to address, and for me it warranted using my credit card and working two jobs. Now, I’m not surely encouraging you to do the same—that’s a decision only you can make. But my view is that good coaching/therapy is worth the time and money. There is greater cost for not doing the inner work to improve the quality of your life. When you consider how your well-being - or lack of it - will impact your relationships, health, career success, and overall life satisfaction, personal life coaching and/or therapy is an investment clearly worth making.

MYTH: Life Coaching and Therapy is expensive, I can’t afford it.
FACT: Yes, seeing a life coach or therapist often can get expensive. Yet when you think about price, what's the cost of not going for it? Your relationship/marriage? Your job performance? Think about how your distress may conflict with your work, relationships or your life and then make a decision about pricing.

It is also true that you don’t have to always pay top dollar for expert help. Yet people are hesitant about entering a client-coach relationship in order to prioritize their own well-being and let the cost be an excuse for not getting help.
Health insurance companies often provide some mental health coverage, but whether a coach or therapist takes insurance or not varies. If they don’t, many offer sliding fee scales based on income for people who need help but can’t afford it. Most of us aspire to make a positive difference in people lives. We are do-gooders and want to help people, so if someone needs care but can’t afford it, you can usually work towards an installment payment structure which is best suited to your financial position. Thereafter it is just a question of budgeting and prioritizing. Sometimes professionals also provide mental health services for free or at a reduced fee on certain days or hours of business as a gesture of gratitude and giving back to the community at-large.

In conclusion; the long term cost of not getting the help one needs can be high. You may think why should I pay someone to be nice to me and care for me? I can get that for free from a loved one. However, there is a huge difference between a life coach or therapist and your family or loved ones.
What you pay for is their time, expertise and commitment to your success - the caring infact is for free.
Note: Tasneem Kagalwalla offers free of cost online/1:2:1 life coaching every Saturday between 0900 -1300 hours CST. Prior appointments are required. She reserves the right to accept or decline a client based on individual requirements and/or space availability.

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for more information on how Life Coaching works best for you.

Click here for Therapy Myth #3  

Click here for Therapy Myth #2

Click here for Therapy Myth #1

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Hey. Let’s drink.

The new age mantra to partying

So we recently had one of my best friends visit us. As are all his trips, there was some extensive sight-seeing and since he is hot, single and willing to mingle (take a bow Siddharth Shetty) there was also some intensive partying.

Been there, done that. Nothing new. Yet on most nights out, my husband and I, couldn’t help but notice how integral drinking has become to partying. Now don’t get me wrong… this post is not about being judgmental on the subject. Cheers to those who (responsibly) do however for those who choose not to, what are the options? While the menu offers ‘Sex on the Beach’ and ‘Bloody Mary’ with ‘Tom Collins’ and a ‘Cosmopolitan’ to the spirited ones, what are our choices? A strong Diet Coke on the rocks? Or a tall glass of Canned OJ?
On one such fine dining night, wanting something equally exotic sounding, we asked for the menu and went through their mocktail section. Voila! They actually had a Strawberry Sunrise Margarita and a Lemon n lime Mojito. Impressed, I excitedly ordered the Strawberry Sunrise. Only to be served a regular margarita to my utter disappointment. Upon complaining that I had clearly ordered a mocktail, the waiter was quick to retort with a cheeky smirk that not many who come here have a virgin margarita. Of course, what transpired as a result of his inspiring customer service is an entirely different post. All I can say here is, the guy will surely not be making any more margaritas for a while.

But that’s not the point. The point is drinking today has almost become a pre requisite to having fun. Whether you’re at a restaurant, a bar, a night club, if you don’t drink, you’re not having fun. Or fun enough. Our entire marketing structure too is built around glamorizing alcohol. From media to movies ( ), the new age mantra is not partying = fun. It’s more propaganda around drinking = partying which then = fun. (Here are some interesting US statistics ) As a result, not remembering what happened the previous night becomes a big LOL moment these days and ‘I got so totally wasted last nite’ is often perceived as a FB - I’m so cool - status update amongst youngsters today.
Driving the point home, can we collectively take a stand and UN-popularize this mind set which seems to have comfortably taken the front seat? Can we go clubbing and occasionally not drink just to ensure that we are able to have fun with or without. Can the food and service industry come up with an equally exhaustive and attractive mocktail menu perhaps with names like ‘Made in heaven’ or ‘Single Lady Iced Tea,’ just to spice things up. What do you think? Can the media idealize teetotalers with the same hype? Instead of saying; ‘What? You don’t drink? Come on; have a beer at least.’ can you, as an individual who sensibly drinks, empower another who doesn’t, by not drinking yourself that night?  Can we be relieved from the pressures of social drinking? Let’s face it, if you have to drink to be social, that’s not really social drinking.

My questions may be varied but the answers are pretty synonymous. The concept of a night out without alcohol needs to be reestablished, reinforced and repeated.
Thus on a mission and to reiterate, when at a party recently, I met an old friend; ‘Wassup babe?!’ I asked. ‘Hey, just flying high, she said. ‘Cheers! N you?’ I happily replied; ‘Keeping it real girl. Feelin’ grounded n lovin’ it! Cheers to that!’

Are you wanting to overcome an addiction, phobia or change a limiting belief?
Do you desire improved social confidence, self improvement and personal development?
Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla on how Life Coaching works best for you.

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Thursday, January 22, 2015

Life Coaching or Therapy is a pseudo-science, all mumbo jumbo!

Life Coaching/Therapy Myth #3

Imagine this. You’ve lost your job and your career seems to be going nowhere. Your finances are a serious worry and the daily charades of life seem to wear you out. Your relationship status stands at messed up and you are up close and personal with an identity crisis. Mental health challenges have manifested into physical ailments. Depressed and anxious you struggle to stand strong against these extremely trying times. You seem to have tried it all; fought your illness with medications and your mind with will power. You even prayed every day for God to relent and cut you some slack. Yet you just cannot get a grip on things and like bone china you seem to be slowly crumbling apart.
MYTH: Life coaching and Therapy is a pseudo-science, all mumbo-jumbo!

FACT: Now hopefully (and thankfully) you may or may not be going through all of the above all at the same time, however take one or a combination of any two and you still have a pretty hard battle ahead. At such a point of time someone you know directs you to – a Life Coach; a Therapist.
Desperate for a resurrection you eagerly listen, go through several testimonials and then - wait a minute; you stop dead in your tracks. Why? Because you wonder, you are terribly concerned and you absolutely have to know if life coaching/therapy is a pseudo-science before giving it a shot. Seriously, do you really need scientific evidence to convince yourself to take a chance at success?

No, I hear you say. 
Then what is that which is truly stopping you? Are you afraid of trying all over again? Are you scared to commit to your success after a series of bouts with failure? Are you overwhelmed by the diversity of practitioners out there? How do you go about finding a reliable life coach/therapist?  Are you skeptical of the financial and emotional investment? These would be more appropriate questions. For honestly having been there, done that myself the last thing on my mind was the placebo effect or any such scientific predicament. It was instead lack of clarity on the above. So I took the first step. The decision to do it. The rest followed suit with the help of some dedicated research on available life coaches in my area, holistic practitioners and their references.

Having said that it’s ok to be concerned about the subject, after all it has the possibility to bring about great results. Often people think that life coaches or therapists choose to disregard science and instead like to think of it as an art. But this common critique of the profession is filled with misunderstandings and errors that lead people away from a deeper understanding of the complexities that exist in the development and delivery of evidence-based mental-health care. Let’s take a look at some reasons why individuals often do not receive coaching/therapy based solely on what science says to do.
Truth and Science:

Let’s talk about what science is not. Science is not the same as truth. Science is just a method that moves us towards the truth. The amount of effective interventions we have yet to uncover through research will eventually dwarf what we have figured out thus far. Therefore it would be safe to conclude that scientific studies that do exist are full of limitations and likelihood that what is currently termed as a pseudo-science be proved as a scientific cure/breakthrough at a later date.
Generalizations and Science:

We all know that science generalizes in order to conclude. The problem with research studies is that they isolate various mental health issues whilst weighing them against a sizable randomized norm so as to come to an evidence-based conclusion. However how often are two people alike? How often are our models of the world identical in nature? Also for example; how often does a person suffer from obesity only, without it being linked to a lack of self-worth or any other limiting belief? What happens when a client approaches a life coach or therapist with multiple issues? Should the life coach explain to the client that while we do have a scientifically proven treatment for obesity, we don’t yet have an evidence-based treatment protocol for combined challenges? Please come back a few decades later? Obviously not. And so we use our expertise to tailor an individualized coaching plan best suited to the client history and current circumstances. Would this be what you refer to as mumbo-jumbo?
Rapport and Science:

We must consider the role of the rapport between client and coach/therapist as a potential variable that influences the outcomes of coaching and therapy. Surely that’s not the only thing that’s needed. No coach/therapist is sitting around sipping iced tea and making friendship bands with their clients. But a good therapeutic relationship is necessary and a key ingredient that helps people succeed. A skilled coach or therapist can help create a safe and comfortable environment to rebuild one’s capacity to overcome and triumph. I wonder if we’ll ever be able to measure how the client-coach/therapist rapport contributes to the healing process. I hope we do but what if we don’t? Does that mean it’s therefore not part of what makes coaching and therapy useful?
In conclusion; evidence-based treatments are absolutely the backbone of what coaches and practitioners should be using to help people. It is great to know that various colleagues in academia continue to work tirelessly to find evidence-based treatments for those seeking help. We need those scientists working for us all, and science will certainly contribute to our deepening understanding of psychological function and dysfunction. But right now, let’s admit it; we just don’t have all the yet.

And so for now I will continue to work tirelessly to help individuals, using everything I have in my arsenal. That includes evidence-based practices, knowledge, skill, empathy and staying committed with those, fully aware that we perhaps don’t have all the answers but continue to have the conviction and faith that together we will surely move towards wellness and growth.
Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for more information on how Life Coaching works best for you.
Click here for Therapy Myth #2

Click here for Therapy Myth #1

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