The third piece
of the wellness pie is that of communication. Communication affects all that
goes on between human beings. It is also the scale by which two people measure
each other’s ‘pot’ level and is the integral tool by which that level can be
changed.
Communication is
a vast subject (verbal and non-verbal) and hence for the ease of understanding,
we will focus on one important aspect – the spoken language.
The single
biggest reason for dysfunctional families is lack of effective communication.
The wife feels ignored and insignificant as she bawls at her husband about an
important date he forgot. The husband, feeling victimized and irritated, swears
she had not. And the story continues till like a tornado, it has within its
realm an extremely troubled family unit which just doesn’t seem to understand
each other.
How
it works: Typically all
of us function through a communication system to give meaning to our
experiences. We then use words to express ourselves. These words are not accidental;
they have a direct correlation with the way information is interpreted in our
minds. We tend to use words and phrases which we unconsciously prefer.
By practicing
active listening we can therefore determine an individual’s preferred
communication style. Optimally using this information enhances the
effectiveness of communication. As the most effective way to communicate with
others is to converse in exactly the same way that they communicate with
themselves inside their heads.
The words people
like to use are broadly characterized in three categories.
3. Kinesthetic.
Listed below are
examples of the words and phrases to look out for. The internet can further be
used as a resource tool to obtain detailed lists of the same.
Visual
words: see/view/look/picture/looking forward/beyond a shadow of doubt.
Auditory
words: hear/listen/say/talk/give me a shout/loud and clear.
Kinesthetic
words: feel/cool/smooth/calm/keep in touch/hang in there.
Why it works: Communication becomes more effective when we use words and phrases that the listener uses most often. How many of you have sent your beloved a bunch of red roses hoping she’d SEE your profound love for her. Instead she still complains about feeling insecure, suspicious of your extended work hours and occasionally even goes through the messages on your phone. Now what if you knew that she preferred to just HEAR a simple, “I love you.” Would you not have communicated the exact same message along with a good chance of being welcomed home with your favorite meal? Perhaps with the spare cash (which you saved on the flowers) you could even take the family out for dessert.
By communicating
in exactly the same way that people communicate with themselves you are
ensuring that they understand what you intended to say. It’s like talking to
them in their own preferred dialect.
Now what?! Look. Listen. Feel. Take the time to gauge your families preferred style of communication. Queue into the words they use. Over a week’s time, keep a diary of the words and phrases they use most often. This activity will give you a clear indication of their preferences.
Put to practice the
understanding of this new knowledge of each other in your daily conversations. Some
of the words may not come as a natural choice of language to you. Yet it would
be ideal for you to remain flexible in your vocabulary. For e.g. if you know
your partner prefers visual words, you could say, “LOOKS like we must attend
Anna’s poetry recital, please SEE to it that you keep yourself free on the 10th
of July.”
Notice the
positive shifts and changes it brings to the way you interact and feel about
each other. This vital impact is critical to build a thriving family with
strong family values.
“The difference
between ‘the right word’ and ‘almost the right word’ is the difference between
lightning and a lightning bug” ~ Mark Twain
Words are
powerful! When you chose just the right word, you increase understanding
ten-fold.
So what words are
you choosing today?!
Click here for Part I/II/IV/V
http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2013/11/part-i-how-healthy-is-yourfamily-read.html
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